Welcome back guys! This is episode #18 of To Take It Or Leave It, a podcast to help you change the way you look at things, end your mental suffering and give you some motivation and inspiration to live your best life! I’m so glad you’re here! I’m Val Poirier and I’m your host. If you haven’t done so yet, please hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. Today’s topic is: The Shame Spiral
Subscribe to the podcast
Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | TuneIn | Deezer | Stitcher | Amazon
You might be asking yourself what the shame spiral is and it’s looking at what you think you should be doing, what you have, or what you don’t have and making yourself wrong for it. When something isn’t working well in your life, it affects every part of your life, but when things are going well, that’s also reflected in every part of your life. Say for example, you are having some health issues. If you’re not feeling good, then it’ll be hard for you to show up in your career and your relationships.
Shame can also be a result of doubt from the people around you about how you want to live your life. This causes a lot of stress for you and has a ripple effect in your life. When the people that mean the most to you project their doubt onto you instead of showing you support for what’s going to make you happy, this can cause you to question your choices and feel shame for who you are and what you want if you don’t have a strong sense of self. For example, let’s say you tell your spouse that you want to pursue something you have taken an interest in and instead of taking an interest in why you want to do that, they shrug it off as something unimportant or tell you they think it’s not a good idea. If you need someone’s validation to pursue your dreams, this will send you into a downward spiral of shame.
You don’t have to accept feeling shame, guilt, or anxiety about what’s going on in your life right now because once you fix whatever you’re struggling with, it will greatly improve your life. Maybe you don’t like the house you’re renting and it’s causing you a lot of stress. You can’t afford many other places but once you find that one place and move into it, you see that your stress fades away and your life starts to improve.
Sometimes when you shame yourself for not getting the results you have then you stop taking action and now you’re stuck. This happens often when people first start working out. They go hard and don’t see the results they want so they stop taking action. Now they’re stuck in the same place they were before.
People talk about a fear of failure, but what’s really going on is that we have a fear of what people will think if we fail. I mean if you try something new and fail and no one’s watching, then it’s not that bad, but if they know then it’s can be scary. The thing is that people care about what you’re doing a lot less than you think. People are so wrapped up in themselves and their own life. And everyone has the same fears! Think about how much time you spend worrying about someone else’s success in life. If they get it, yes sure you’re happy for them, but if they fail then it’s no big deal. No one really cares except maybe the people who will be directly impacted by it like your family. If you give it a shot and fail, well at least you took a shot – most people don’t even try! And when you do take a shot, remember that no one cares whether you fail or succeed. They see you having the courage to even try in a world where everyone is too scared to do anything that might cause other people to judge them for being true to themselves. And even if they do care, it’s none of your business what they think. It’s your job to be joyful, happy and striving to create what you want to create in the world. To be bold and creative and make your own life work.
Did you ever consider that you’re making it all up? Most people are just projecting their view of the world on you. How you see the world is going to be made up of your past experiences, your beliefs, the evidence of those beliefs. You’re never going to have a perfect clear set of lenses. Not caring about other people’s opinions is a superpower. Focus on doing your own thing and making your contribution to the world. The goal is to get to a place where it doesn’t matter. Where you’re so rooted and confident in who you are that you can walk across the room and hold your head up high because you know you’re someone who makes an impact on other people’s lives every single day. You know who you are, what you’re about, you know your value and the value you bring to other people. What do you care what other people think about what you look like. Humans want connections and relationships but worrying about if this happens kind of goes away once you’re confident in who you are. If they like you great! And if they don’t, that’s ok too! Not everyone will
There’s a quote from the movie Lost In Translation where he says The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you. And this is true! The biggest one will be that you will finally be ok with being misunderstood and that will be because you finally understand yourself and know that those who want to, will find a way to understand you as well.
It’s time to change your approach. The pain you’re feeling in your life is telling you that something isn’t working. You’re feeling it because you know things could be better. You know this isn’t working so you ask yourself what you’re going to do better. It’s really important not to wallow there but instead to do something about it. The best thing you can do is look at someone who’s helping others get the outcome you want and do what they tell you to do and follow a proven system because that is one of the biggest shortcuts you can possibly have and if you don’t take advantage of that, I mean why wouldn’t you? You make your road a lot shorter and you get to that destination a lot shorter if you follow the strategy.
I can make it simple but no one can make it easy. I’ll tell you step by step how to do rewire your brain to stop your people pleasing and perfectionism and mostly to stop caring about what other people think and really tap into the life and life purpose that you want to be living! You’ll feel better physically and mentally and improve your relationships in your life as well! You’ll start chasing and achieving your life goals! But no one can make it easy. You’re going to have moments of fear and doubt and overwhelm. The power of being in a good coaching program is that you’ll have someone who will hold your hand and walk you through it which is what I love to do. It’s my joy in life. But those moments are still going to happen because that’s the journey but if you’re willing to step forward with some courage and embrace that and dive in and take action despite your uncertainty, you’ll be shocked at fast things can grow or evolve. You’ll look back and think it’s so amazing, you couldn’t have imagined how good it could be. It’s ten times better than struggling in the dark. If you’re not taking advantage of that shortcut, you’re not giving yourself every advantage that you can.
If that is what you want, I’d love to see if I can help you do that. So go to totakeitorleaveit.com/coaching and reach out and book a call with me. That’s what I do everyday. I’ve accomplished all these things already that you want to accomplish, I’ve helped others accomplish them so why don’t you let me see if I can help you do some of those things too. It’s not going to be easy but it’s going to be easier with my help. I can promise you that. Go to totakeitorleaveit.com/coaching and book a call today.
That’s it for today guys! Please share this podcast with someone you know and help share my message. Remember to love yourself first. You know yourself better than anyone else and be confident that you will make the right decisions for how to live YOUR best life.
If you’re looking for more motivation to achieve YOUR goals in life, join my Facebook group! This is an amazing community of like minded people! You can find it in my profile on Instagram @valcpoirier. Also, tag me in your stories with my podcast and what you think or what you’re doing while you listen to it and I’ll share it right back in mine! You are worthy and you are beautiful and I truly appreciate you all. Keep reaching for your goals guys….you got this! See you next time!