3 things you can start doing NOW to improve your intimate relationship

I’ve been very transparent about my journey so you all know that I’m divorced. You might wonder why you would take relationship advice from a divorced woman. Here’s why: After I had dealt with the pain from my separation, I finally got past my ego and admitted that I didn’t know how to do relationships. I mean, let’s get real guys. I was about to get a divorce. We had been miserable together for so long. That couldn’t be how relationships were supposed to be, so I had to be missing something. I knew that I wanted to be in another relationship and have a companion to do life beside but I didn’t ever want to be divorced again. I asked questions. So many questions. And I asked for book recommendations from my therapist and did a TON of reading. I also did a lot of research on my own. I quickly realized that we had been missing some of the key ingredients to a healthy relationship. I’ll fill you in on three behaviours that should be present in a healthy relationship.

ONE: EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION. This is SO important! Not only is it important to express it, but you should also FEEL it guys. This other human being has made a CHOICE to be in your life. They could have chosen to be with someone else but they chose YOU. Express your gratitude for the little things. No one is obligated to do anything that benefits your life. SAY THANK YOU. Thank you for mowing the lawn. Thank you for helping me make supper. Thank you for bringing me a cup of coffee. Thank you for being in my life. Do you know what happens? People who feel appreciated want to do more for you. Then you get two people who just want to do things to make the other person smile. Doesn’t that sound like something you would want in your life? I remember one of the first times I heard gratitude between two married people. I was having supper at a friends house, shortly after starting my single life, and the husband walked into the kitchen while the wife had started supper and he said to her: “Thanks for starting supper.” and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Well my jaw almost dropped. I clearly remember thinking “What the hell was that?” I didn’t remember ever hearing this between a couple before. Great job guys.

TWO: COMMUNICATE OBSESSIVELY. Yes guys. Talk to each other. EVERYDAY. Talk about what’s going on in your life, your hopes and dreams and LISTEN to what the other person says. Learn about them. Tell them how you feel. Be interested in the other person’s inner and outer world, how they view things, what makes them tick and what gets them excited. Ask them lots of questions to get to know them better and find out what’s important to them. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, you can ALWAYS learn something new. What’s on your agenda today? How did that big meeting you were nervous about go? Where did you travel to as a family when you were younger? What did you and your friends do for fun in high school? What are your fitness goals for this year? Take an interest in them and their life and also share what’s going on with you.

THREE: CONSIDER AND MAKE TIME FOR WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO THEM. What’s important to them should be important to you. Why? Because what’s important to them is what brings them joy. And you should want them to be happy. It’s not always only about what you want. They like racing? Join them occasionally! Ask them to teach you about it and to explain how it makes them feel. They want to take all the tabs off cans in the house to donate for children’s cancer? Join them. It doesn’t take much effort and means a lot to them. OK, that’s my thing. HAHAHA What I’m saying guys is that there has to be room for what’s important to BOTH people. Find a solution to make that work that both of you can live with. If you don’t care about and support what’s important to them, then why would they want to continue a relationship with you? I know I certainly don’t want to be in a relationship where what’s important to me doesn’t matter. That doesn’t feel good and I wouldn’t want to make someone else feel like that either.

There are so many other things that need to be present in a healthy relationship but these three things are a good start. All humans want to feel important, so make sure that you are making the ones you love feel important. Show your appreciation and be grateful. Communicate, communicate and communicate some more. And make sure they know that what’s important to them matters and is important to you too. In fact guys, these things will work in ANY of your relationships. Don’t ever take for granted that someone is in your life because if you don’t ever make them feel important and all you do is take from them, they will eventually leave.

Are these behaviours present in your intimate relationship? If not, I encourage you to try them out for a while and see how they make you feel! Pretty soon, you’ll notice that they become a habit ingrained into your subconscious!