Overwhelm is a choice – how to stop making it!

Emotional overwhelm happens when you are overcome with intense emotions. Sometimes these can be good emotions! Like that time when you got a flat tire, you had a screaming baby in the backseat and a nice person stopped to change it for you. OMG lifesaver, right? This might be an example of when you’re overwhelmed by feelings of gratitude. When it’s negative emotions though, it can be difficult to manage them. It can feel like you’re drowning. It can affect your ability to think and act rationally. It can cause you to have difficulty in doing your normal daily tasks. I describe this as BRAIN FOG. It’s not a fun place to be. While occasionally it’s something that can’t be avoided, there are many times that it’s a choice you may not even know that you’re making. Let’s discuss this and some ways to stop making this choice.

STUFF! There’s so much stuff everywhere guys! We live in a society where consumerism is the highest it’s ever been and there are so many choices. Have you ever stood in front of a section in the store looking at all the different options, only to walk away with nothing, frustrated because you couldn’t decide? Or maybe you walk away with three different variations of the same thing. Sometimes what happens is that people get anxiety from all the choices. I know I used to! They subconsciously tell themselves that there is a wrong choice. And a wrong choice means FAILURE! But that’s not true. Hear me out.

Give yourself a break

Let’s start with your definition of wrong. What does wrong mean to you? And if it doesn’t work out and you have to take it back to the store for a different one, what’s the big deal? It’s time to ease off the perfectionism a little, avoid the dreaded shame spiral and give yourself a break! Yes, you have spent more time and energy on it, but it’s only a waste if that’s how you look at it. We can never predict if something is going to work, we can only make the best decision we have with the information we have at that time. And when we have better information, then we can make better decisions.

I once purchased some new runners online. I couldn’t wait to use them! After about five minutes though, my feet would start to tingle and go numb. I tried them out three or four different times hoping that all I needed to do was break them in. Nope, not happening. NUMB FEET GUYS! Ok well that wasn’t going to help me. So this time I took the shoes in to return them and get some different ones. What I learnt was that certain brands of shoes are too narrow for my feet and I needed a different brand that made shoes a little wider. So I picked up some new shoes and they worked great! My point is that as long as you’re learning from making “wrong” choices then they are not failures, they are lessons. I learned a valuable lesson about which type of runners work for me and which don’t. It’s important to give yourself some grace when this happens, no different than you would give someone else some grace in the same situation. Making wrong choices or mistakes is how we learn! If you want to learn more, be willing to make more mistakes!

Have less stuff

Speaking of stuff, let’s get real for a second. How much stuff do you have in your house? And how much of it do you really NEED? Think again. There is a BIG difference between what you need and what you want. And if you buy everything that you want, especially impulsively, you will have WAY more than you ever need. I mean do you really need every different type of small appliance and ten purses? It’s important to remeber that you can’t focus on everything so figure out where your priorities are, then eliminate anything that doesn’t fit in them. Trust me on this, you will find yourself more appreciative of the things you have.

De-cluttering your home can be really hard. There’s the question of “What if I need it again one day?” Um, when was the last time you actually used it? When you simplify your possessions, you eliminate the constant clutter in your brain as well. It reduces the amount of noise in your head and the result is a calm and peaceful mind. I have what I call a memory bin in my closet. It’s just a simple rubbermaid container. In it, I have things from my past that are special to me and/or that I’m not ready to let go of quite yet. It works great! I also have one for each of my kids too. A friend of mine told me that a trick he uses with his kids is that when his kids had a hard time letting go of something, they take a picture of it to look at it when they miss it. That’s was a great idea too!

There are also times in life when it feels like everything gets thrown at you all at once. What you do and tell yourself in these moments determines the amount of overwhelm you will experience. As an example, early in March was overwhelming for basically every human being. For myself, my partner and his three kids had moved in the week prior to COVID-19 and our basement flooded in early June. So we had four new people move in with us five. We were all trying to learn each others behaviours and personalities in our new blended home. We had two households of things to sort through and declutter. Then the kids end up being at home full-time and we’re both forced into working from home. And just as we are starting to get a handle on life again, the basement floods. PHEW! All I can say is that I was very grateful I had a lot of tools to deal with overwhelm, such as:

1. Don’t panic. It doesn’t need to get done all at once.
2. Breathe. When you have anxiety, your nervous system is deregulated. Take a moment, or twenty, to really breathe deeply or better yet meditate and get yourself back to logical thinking.
3. Make a plan. Figure out all the things that need to get done and make a plan that works for you. Baby steps are fine. Forward is a pace. It only needs to go as fast as you can handle. And don’t forget to ask for help if you need it!

To sum up what I’ve said here guys, to decrease the possibility of overwhelm you feel in your life, declutter your thoughts and your possessions. It’s actually that simple. These two things are completely in your control, so by not doing anything about them, you’re making a choice. Choose wisely!