Welcome back! This is episode #024 of To Take It Or Leave It, a podcast to help you change the way you look at things, end your mental suffering and give you some motivation and inspiration to live your best life! I’m so glad you’re here! I’m Val Poirier and I’m your host. If you haven’t done so yet, please hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. Today’s topic is: Comparison Is The Thief of Joy.
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This is a famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt. So how does comparison take away your joy? When you look around and start comparing yourself and your life to others, this can make you to start to feel bad about yourself. There will ALWAYS be someone who looks happier, wealthier, healthier and more successful than you. It can lead you to start devaluing yourself.
I remember when I ran my first half marathon quite a few years ago. I trained so hard for it and I was doing really well! I was on the home stretch and could see the finish line, when another woman ran right by me like I wasn’t even trying. I remember thinking that I should speed up but realized that I was already going all out. There was absolutely no way I could go any faster. I was crushed. I didn’t even know if she was in my age group. I had a choice about what I wanted to focus on – beating my training time by an entire two minutes or the woman who passed me at the end. One would make me feel great and super proud of myself while the other would make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. How would you want to feel?
Running isn’t a competition, unless that’s actually what you do for a living. Running is a sport where you’re always competing against yourself. Always trying to improve your personal best. It’s about you and only you. You never know what’s going on in other people’s lives. Maybe she has no kids. Maybe she has more time to train. Maybe she had been running longer than I had been. Maybe she worked with a coach. My point is that life isn’t a competition either. The only person in life that you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday. Try to be better than yesterday, everyday.
You see, people compare themselves to others when they don’t know how to define themselves. They don’t have a strong sense of self and have to look to others to see what they should be like. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely ok to have role models in your life. These are necessary and when you can pinpoint the qualities they have that you would like in yourself, they give you something to work towards. They show you how to be better human beings. It’s helpful to learn from others. Looking inward to decide what kind of person you want to be in every moment is a skill that the more you practice, the better you get at it. This is how you define the kind of person you want to be, internally.
Comparing yourself to others takes your eyes off your goals and puts them on someone else’s goals. You start living a life for someone else instead of living your own life. If you want something that someone else has, this can be motivation to work for it if it’s realistic when you look at where you are starting from. Shaming yourself for not being further ahead won’t help you on your journey either. If we go back to the example of my first half marathon, I also had the choice of shaming myself for not being at the level this other woman was at, which is not helpful for me and very disempowering, or I could use it at motivation to work on improving my skills. The only person who limits your skill set is you. Your limiting beliefs are what will hold you back in life.
Here are four ways to stop comparing yourself to other people, what they have and who they are.
- Praise yourself. Do this everyday and throughout the day until it’s a habit. Let’s are lots of tools you can use to change your self talk from negative to positive. Affirmations. Meditations. Visual reminders. It also helps to surround yourself with positive people who recognize the great individual you are. Remember to recognize that person yourself too! Don’t criticize yourself. That’s not helpful and we all make mistakes and will continue to do so until the day we die. Use self compassion and try to do better next time. Make sure the people around you are understanding as well.
- Focus on your current habits. Stop looking in the future too much. Enjoy the present and the journey. Pay attention to where you are right now. Don’t wait for an end goal to feel good. Praise yourself for your habits now. What person do I need to be to achieve that goal? Look at your habits every single day. Make a list of all your good qualities and when you’re comparing yourself, look at that list and give yourself a pat on the back!
- Practice gratitude. Something I do everyday is I wrote down five things I’m grateful for and I make sure to write different things down each day and different types of things. Sometimes I’m grateful for the people in my life, the nice things people do for me, the ways I was able to help others, some of the small things I have in my life, especially things we often take for granted like our health and that we live in a safe place, the experiences I have, the beauty I see around me in others and in nature, accomplishing tasks. There are so many things to be grateful for in life that we often don’t think about because we don’t take the time to slow down and recognize them. Out of gratitude comes contentment in your life and a feeling of being happy with what you have and where you are in life. Then you’re able to work on your goals without comparing yourself to others because you recognize that you already have everything you need in life to be happy!
- Look at an identity for yourself. What does the best version of yourself look like? What does it look like when you’re at your best? Write down the characteristics of this person. Give her a name! When you find that you start comparing yourself to others, call this person back out.
When you compare yourself to others it’s because you have a void inside yourself that you don’t know how to fill. That’s where your focus should be. What is it and how do you fill it. We are able to meet all of our own needs, so figure out which one is unmet and shift your focus!
That’s it for today! Please share this podcast with someone you know and help share my message. The goal is to grow the podcast and I can only do that with your help so I appreciate it. I do this for you! Remember to love yourself first. You know yourself better than anyone else and be confident that you will make the right decisions for how to live YOUR best life.
If you’re looking for more motivation to achieve YOUR goals in life, join my Facebook group! This is an amazing community of like minded people! You can find it in my profile on Instagram @valcpoirier. Also, tag me in your stories with my podcast and what you think or what you’re doing while you listen to it and I’ll share it right back in mine! You are worthy and you are beautiful and I truly appreciate you all. Keep reaching for your goals….you got this! See you next time!