2020 was a year that no one will ever forget. The world and how we existed came to a quick halt and we pivoted and adapted or we struggled. This was a year of clarity and growth for many. When I look back at my growth in 2020, I think of my relationships and my faith because those were the ones I reached for to get me through the year.
My relationships
I examined the relationships in my life a few years ago when I wondered why I was extremely unhappy. I felt empty inside and had no idea how to fix this. This was very hard for me because I was a fixer. like so many other people I know. I won’t lie. I started out by looking at the people in my life and blaming them for my unhappiness. If they would just change and do something differently, I would be happy again.
I had no idea that it was me that had to change to be happy again. I had complete control over this. No one taught me and I never learned how to turn inward, a life skill many people lack in society today. My relationship with myself was one that once I became aware of it saddened me more than anything.
It took some time for it to all to come together but I realized that the person who had been the most unkind to me my entire life had been me and my relationship with others was simply a reflection for how I treated myself. The good news is that once I realized this, I knew that I was the one that was responsible for improving it, so little by little, I worked on the relationship I had with myself. I worked on it everyday and soon began to feel better.
You attract what you are and the energy you put out. There’s a saying that goes “Be the person you want to be with.” And this couldn’t be more true. Some relationships end. That’s a fact. Letting go is necessary to continue on your life journey. People grow and change and if there is not an intentional effort to grow together, the only alternative is growing apart. And while that’s sad, it’s part of life. Which is why learning to let go is so beneficial.
I wanted deeper and closer relationships. I wanted to talk about my hopes, dreams, fears and struggles, not just the superficial stuff. Instead of stretching myself thin in this area like I had previously done in most other areas of my life, I put real effort into just a couple of relationships. I knew that was all I had room for in my life and I let the rest go. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but I managed to find peace in my decision.
As the relationship with myself changed and became healthier, I watched the relationships around me change and become healthier. These ones brought me more feelings of peace and acceptance for who I was at this time, flaws and all, and a willingness to grow with me at a soul level. You can only meet someone at the deepest level they have met themselves.
Most people have not met themselves at a soul level, through no fault of their own. It’s not something that we have been taught how to do. Looking past your ego to reach your soul is HARD at first but just like anything else, it becomes a habit if practiced enough. And the more effort you put in, the more rewards you reap.
My Faith
The more you do something, the more you improve. I grew up in a world of fear, as so many others did. This was internal fear that was passed down to me from generations long, long ago. This fear comes with it certain behaviours that are so common, no one even realizes this is what they are. They have become such a normal part of living. They are so ingrained into our subconscious that until you learn the skill of turning inward, you continue to pass them on to future generations. I slowly learned to let go of this fear and replace it with faith instead.
COVID-19 brings with it a lot of fear for many. Fear is real but it’s not meant to guide your life decisions. What is not real though is the thought that is causing the fear. You see, your thoughts cause your feelings. If you don’t like what you’re feeling, change your thoughts.
What is meant to happen, will happen. How do I know this? Because everything that has happened up until now, actually happened. Therefore, that’s how it was meant to be. You can spend your time thinking about what you could have done differently or you can accept reality as it is right in front of you.
Do I personally fear getting the virus? Not at all. I’m not saying that I won’t get it. I’m saying that it doesn’t matter how cautious I am, if I was meant to contract it, there’s nothing I could have done to avoid it. So I choose to take the necessary precautions and continue to enjoy my life.
So even amidst a global pandemic, I chose myself and I chose growth. I chose to share the love I had for myself with others and spread positivity, motivation and inspiration during a time when the world could use more of it. All this regardless of what others might think because that’s not something that matters anymore and I wish it didn’t for so many more people. You see, I have everything I have ever needed and I finally realized that I always did. And you will one day realize this too.