OK guys, I’m not going to lie. Divorce SUCKS. In so many ways. Unless you’ve gone through it, you have NO idea what it feels like. And even then, everyone’s experience is different. The person you were going to spend the rest of your life with is gone. POOF! One day together and the next apart. And even though it didn’t just happen like that, it can feel like it. The kids start to go back and forth between houses. And then the first time it happens, it really hits home. You find yourself alone on your first non-parenting day. Completely alone. There’s no one around except you. The life you created and the family you had is gone. And the tears won’t stop flowing or maybe you’re too numb to cry because it still feels too surreal. So what do you do with all this extra time you now find you have? Here are some ways to help get through your non-parenting time
Indulge In Self Care
This is the best time to recharge. Your kids are at their other parents house. This is time to focus on you. In order to be the best parent you can be for your kids, you need to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. This is probably something you haven’t been doing a very good job at either. Are you a gym lover, an at home workout video junkie or maybe you prefer to run outside? What book are you currently reading to stimulate yourself mentally? This could be some sort of fiction novel you’re into or it could be something non-fiction that you want to learn more about. Whichever it is, grab that book and get your brain working! Meditation is also a really great way to ground and become more in tune with yourself.
Join A Support Group
I know. The last thing you want to do is surround yourself with a bunch of people you don’t know and talk about how awful you feel. I mean I can think of a million things that sound like more fun. BUT, just hear me out. Joining a support group gives you the opportunity to surround yourself with other people going through something similar and makes you feel less alone in this. And isn’t that the problem you’re trying to solve? So maybe you don’t talk and you just listen. I guarantee that you will still benefit, and hey who knows…..you may find yourself opening up! You can only heal what you’re willing to feel.
Start a New Hobby
Time on this earth is limited and there are so many different experiences to choose from. You know that thing you’ve always wanted to do but could never find the time to make it happen? Well guess what? You have the time now! So what if it’s not how you planned it. Embrace your current situation and try something new. Grow a garden, crochet a blanket, bake sourdough bread, you get the idea! The possibilities are endless. You might have fun. You might just find a new passion. And hey, who knows, you might just light your soul on fire!
Nurture Your Existing Relationships
This is a really great time to nurture your existing relationships. I mean, you’ve never had time like this to do that before and you never know how long it will last, so it’s best to make the most of it. Grab a coffee with your friend. Head over to your parents house and help them with something they’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Take your niece out for a fun adventure with you. There are so many things you can do with the people who are still in your life. And I bet they would really love and appreciate your company.
It’s not easy being alone when you’re so used to being surrounded with other people. The silence can eat away at you if you let it. If you reframe your thoughts about your situation, it will help you find a new normal. It all comes down to what you focus on. When you’re ready to look at the up side to this situation, it will get a lot easier. Yes… there is an upside. It opened up the door to giving you some time to focus on yourself, which is the first step in figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Use the time wisely and you will see an improvement in your mood and in your life very quickly!
What have you found is your biggest struggle when the kids are away?